This article or my write up is an open discussion laid before both "today's" parents and youth.Well, we have seen that in our Asian culture, more specifically Indian Culture, majority of the families want their kid to get the best of education and and in his early twenty's land up in a job of 'their' choice.
What parents forget here is that likes and passions of every individual need not be same. Though they claim to be their bio-logical parents(claim-most of them are!) does not mean that their kid should inherit the same likes and passions that they behold.There would be many questions that an individual may confront at his late teens or early twenty's. Some of them be like-
What makes them so overbearing and watchful?
Why are they not ready to let teenies change course from their traditionally laid down trails?
Why they are so obsessed with their own format of living life and thinking pattern?
Why only education in form of written and oral tests are given primary importance even when the kid might not have a distinct liking towards it?
Aren't there any other ways a child can make his career?
Should be we ''Trained'' to achieve the pre-decided goals or should we be given an opportunity to lay our own?
Why working in McDonald's or any other retail outlet while pursuing your professional studies is looked down?
Why do they want us to think about the society all the time..be it with respect to our social circle,profession,our activities,our hobbies,love,marriage...!!?
Life at home sucks for you, and you can't wait until you can get out of the house.But is that always possible! As shown in films..the hero gets his backpack..a set of lenses and his pro cam and stays separately..turns out to be a good photographer and Whooow!!His life is set!
We see him doing it and we think we too can! But then there's are difference in Reel life and Real life.However, i don't deny the fact that many a times, if we take a right call, we might have the privilege of being heroes of our own life! Again, taking a call is dependent on several factors.Major ruling factors are our parents and 'their' society..and their values and their morals and their upbringing...and their preachings..and their care..and their love..and their expectations..and our mamis..mamas..uncles..aunts..grandpas/mas...!! WHERE ARE WE?
I had read an article sometime back. Sharing an excerpt:
Parental Tactics Of Coercion
The study delves deep into the effects of parental use of psychological control towards their teenage child. This psychological control was seen to incorporate tactics, such as inducing feelings of guilt in the child when he/ she did something that the parents thought was wrong, temporary withdrawal of love as a punishment tool and trying to foster anxiety within the child, in addition to other psychologically manipulative tactics aimed at getting desired behaviors from kids.
The research team felt that while these tactics would ensure a particular behavior from the child, by pressuring him into a decision that's in line with his parents' will, in the long haul, it would only reduce his ability to make his own judgments. So, even though parents tend to be happy when the child toes the line, what they fail to realize is that they may have just killed an opportunity to help the child learn, practicing self-direction and independent decision making. In future, this could make the child an easy target for coercion and manipulation.
By sharing this article i don't mean to demean Indian culture or the societal morals and ethics.But here i wish to focus on 'Law of Individuality' which clearly states that every individual is different when compared to other. This law will solve majority of problems if understood properly.
Often in the context of 'Independent Thinking' we forget that 'Independent' doesn't mean 'Self' or 'Selfish' or 'Self Centered Thinking or Self oriented Approach'. What it actually means is considering all the other factors and situations around how one should perceive, how one should reciprocate and how to take controlled measures!
A simple example would be when in a relation partners experience a downfall or loss of interest there could be multiple reasons associated with it.But during those times we only keep our own self in the center and keep thinking of all the things that have affected us! Here we tend to ignore our faults and we get more defensive in our approach.Sometimes we simply deny our responsibility towards our partner. When asked for the reasons we tend to use word 'ME' or 'I' forgetting that relation is all about 'US', 'WE'..One partner though is ready to sort all the things the other is reluctant saying that all wrongs have had a major impact on there life forgetting that impact is felt both ways. And then they wish to think 'Independently'. Here's the entire mess... 'cz in such situations independent thinking often gets restricted to one self. The thought process gets so self oriented and self centric that all negativeness get into your mind. You start seeing and assuming things which actually might be very different than what you perceived. In simple terms in such cases 'Independent Thinking = Thinking about your own self'. This is mostly the reason for break up stories.
If u ask me..every problem in this world can be sorted with communication. This is where most of the people get confused. Self respect, Pride and Ego are the main tools that make you lose a relation even where both the partners are aware of their love for each other.
We need to change our mindset. We need to understand that society plays an important role because that's the one who help us maintain our civilized status.If every single individual forgets what is actually meant by freedom and independentness then we might not be civilians in the making rather we might turn in to wild animals wandering down the streets. Stereotyped thinking must be stropped. Independent decision is must but thinking independently from all the sides and angles, by a different perspective, thinking into depth of why things are the way they are..and then coming to a rational solution is how the flow should be. Imposing decisions is wrong but the decision already taken is that really apt..!! that's what is to be thought off. Taking help and getting opinions from friends, elders and well wishers is always a welcome move. However, your mind should be open enough to also listen to the mistakes or criticisms that you get.We love listening when others tell us how right you are and dislike when we are shown the dark side of us. This is where we need to understand that 'an err is to human' and if we keep denying our mistakes and do not change the course of our action we are the ones who are putting every life at stake including our own!
Whether one has to work with McD's as a steward/captain while pursuing his education should be thought of from all the angles. Is it really required for him to work? Does that add value to his persona or his skills? how will this job benefit? How will he concentrate on his studies? Has he planned for the future? Where does he see himself after 3-4 years? Will this give him a sense of responsibility? and many more thoughts and questions will get answered if you try to find solutions rather than thinking "Why should my son/daughter work as a waiter in some food joint?". We have to get out of our own drawn peripheries and the ideologies that we tend to follow since ages. We need to broaden our outlook and start seeing world from a different perspective. Most Indians, however qualified they might be, still prefer 9-5 job rather than taking a different approach or thinking about being an Entrepreneur or having a own set up. A qualified engineer thinks that hes only good at engineering because his mindset is groomed in such a fashion that he finds it difficult to even think that he can or has an ability to put up his own business!! A Chartered Accountant should either teach, practice or land up in a job is what the trend says! Why cant he have his chain of hotels? Why can he float his own company? Why cant he be an entrepreneur? Why cant he be a dancer or singer!!!!! But we never feed our mind or look at things with different perspective! And when we do think differently all we think is of all the hurdles that we can face while stepping into a different venture and we stop there without even giving a second thought to all the solutions that lay ahead of us..all we require is to take one step ahead !!
AIB Roast is considered vulgar and political parties made a cry of it..! Did anybody even bother when parliamentary members were caught red handed watching porn inside the holy place of decision making for the country!! Does anybody even bother when our country is run by a bunch of politicians where majority of them don't even hold a basic qualification! But we have time to argue on a show that clearly had a adult certification.We have time to burn down shops selling Valentines Cards..carrying boards and hoardings in English..we have time to argue whether its 'Bombay' or 'Mumbai'..we changed the names but majority of articles and sections in Constitution of India still are adapted from British Law. We have time to argue on whether Sunny Leone is changing the face of Indian Cinema by making it more porno than acting! But nobody talks of increasing rapes and moral blindness of our Society...and there are many more such incidences. Again a play of narrow mindset and not being receptive where its required. People objecting feel that they have taken a matured step. Well, even Einstein or any great scholar hasnt yet defined what maturity is!
To conclude all i will say is we as a individual and as a team should make effort to look at things and situations with different perspective. When we will broaden horizons only then we will be receptive towards others ideas and thinking patterns.We will only then understand the purpose of their act, the words said, decisions taken and effort made. Think Independently without turning a blind eye and a deaf ear on others thoughts, ideas, emotions and the facts.Harmony and peace only then can be obtained.
-Its SR
A simple example would be when in a relation partners experience a downfall or loss of interest there could be multiple reasons associated with it.But during those times we only keep our own self in the center and keep thinking of all the things that have affected us! Here we tend to ignore our faults and we get more defensive in our approach.Sometimes we simply deny our responsibility towards our partner. When asked for the reasons we tend to use word 'ME' or 'I' forgetting that relation is all about 'US', 'WE'..One partner though is ready to sort all the things the other is reluctant saying that all wrongs have had a major impact on there life forgetting that impact is felt both ways. And then they wish to think 'Independently'. Here's the entire mess... 'cz in such situations independent thinking often gets restricted to one self. The thought process gets so self oriented and self centric that all negativeness get into your mind. You start seeing and assuming things which actually might be very different than what you perceived. In simple terms in such cases 'Independent Thinking = Thinking about your own self'. This is mostly the reason for break up stories.
If u ask me..every problem in this world can be sorted with communication. This is where most of the people get confused. Self respect, Pride and Ego are the main tools that make you lose a relation even where both the partners are aware of their love for each other.
We need to change our mindset. We need to understand that society plays an important role because that's the one who help us maintain our civilized status.If every single individual forgets what is actually meant by freedom and independentness then we might not be civilians in the making rather we might turn in to wild animals wandering down the streets. Stereotyped thinking must be stropped. Independent decision is must but thinking independently from all the sides and angles, by a different perspective, thinking into depth of why things are the way they are..and then coming to a rational solution is how the flow should be. Imposing decisions is wrong but the decision already taken is that really apt..!! that's what is to be thought off. Taking help and getting opinions from friends, elders and well wishers is always a welcome move. However, your mind should be open enough to also listen to the mistakes or criticisms that you get.We love listening when others tell us how right you are and dislike when we are shown the dark side of us. This is where we need to understand that 'an err is to human' and if we keep denying our mistakes and do not change the course of our action we are the ones who are putting every life at stake including our own!
Whether one has to work with McD's as a steward/captain while pursuing his education should be thought of from all the angles. Is it really required for him to work? Does that add value to his persona or his skills? how will this job benefit? How will he concentrate on his studies? Has he planned for the future? Where does he see himself after 3-4 years? Will this give him a sense of responsibility? and many more thoughts and questions will get answered if you try to find solutions rather than thinking "Why should my son/daughter work as a waiter in some food joint?". We have to get out of our own drawn peripheries and the ideologies that we tend to follow since ages. We need to broaden our outlook and start seeing world from a different perspective. Most Indians, however qualified they might be, still prefer 9-5 job rather than taking a different approach or thinking about being an Entrepreneur or having a own set up. A qualified engineer thinks that hes only good at engineering because his mindset is groomed in such a fashion that he finds it difficult to even think that he can or has an ability to put up his own business!! A Chartered Accountant should either teach, practice or land up in a job is what the trend says! Why cant he have his chain of hotels? Why can he float his own company? Why cant he be an entrepreneur? Why cant he be a dancer or singer!!!!! But we never feed our mind or look at things with different perspective! And when we do think differently all we think is of all the hurdles that we can face while stepping into a different venture and we stop there without even giving a second thought to all the solutions that lay ahead of us..all we require is to take one step ahead !!
AIB Roast is considered vulgar and political parties made a cry of it..! Did anybody even bother when parliamentary members were caught red handed watching porn inside the holy place of decision making for the country!! Does anybody even bother when our country is run by a bunch of politicians where majority of them don't even hold a basic qualification! But we have time to argue on a show that clearly had a adult certification.We have time to burn down shops selling Valentines Cards..carrying boards and hoardings in English..we have time to argue whether its 'Bombay' or 'Mumbai'..we changed the names but majority of articles and sections in Constitution of India still are adapted from British Law. We have time to argue on whether Sunny Leone is changing the face of Indian Cinema by making it more porno than acting! But nobody talks of increasing rapes and moral blindness of our Society...and there are many more such incidences. Again a play of narrow mindset and not being receptive where its required. People objecting feel that they have taken a matured step. Well, even Einstein or any great scholar hasnt yet defined what maturity is!
To conclude all i will say is we as a individual and as a team should make effort to look at things and situations with different perspective. When we will broaden horizons only then we will be receptive towards others ideas and thinking patterns.We will only then understand the purpose of their act, the words said, decisions taken and effort made. Think Independently without turning a blind eye and a deaf ear on others thoughts, ideas, emotions and the facts.Harmony and peace only then can be obtained.
-Its SR
Yes completely agree. But the mind set is built my the atmosphere around you. Perspective are drawn by our experiences. Sorry to say but the attitude of our Indian youth is far worse that what we think. Out of 100% of the youth population only 20-25% of the population shows the tendency to be a change. FB and twitter are a place to shine that's all. As you mentioned above about paternal practice yes that makes a huge difference. Every one wants there child to score a merit, study from IIM or IIT and work in a MNC company with a thick package. No body encourages if someone like to become a poet or a writer. In this fancy showoff world that seems to be a shame. Working in Mcd, is considered low standard by your friends & family. Even an individual wants to do anything out of the box. They are constantly hammered by the society by our friends and family. We are constantly judged for what we wear, how we speak, where we work, what is our salary. In fact what brand mobile phone we use. So under such pressure how come we can listen to our mind and soul...the view of our society and far most our family is more important.
ReplyDeleteWell said...beautifully written...!!
ReplyDeleteI feel societal pressure has driven everyone.. Parents are also one of them. They are not wrong in telling us wat to do and wat not, now its up to us how we convince them. Every parent has a dream for their child, agreed parents and child won't have same dreams and enthusiasm to work towards accomplishment of the dream. More coz our parents have come up from that background and hence programmed that way. We today have got the freedom to chose and make our own decisions, now choosing becomes real tough coz of our changing interests, that is one more reason I feel we can rely on parents wen v have to make a difficult choice. Coz their choice is not gonna b illogical, afterall. It can fetch us our living, that's d ultimate aim.
As far as changing profession is concerned as u mentioned y can't a CA think on different parameters, I would say ppl today want a short cut in everything...no one really wants to struggle and that is influenced by greed.. The Greed for Money. Lot of other factors...some have necessity. But again there are many who do think on different lines, then again everything boils down to wat society will think of me, as a person, I have some standards n blah blah.
There are lot of factors which have lead to human acting as Robots..!!
Concluding this, I agree with points u have made. To add on, we today have the ability and freedom to think lot more than wat we are actually think. Bt again the fear of failure, necessity and greed have overpowered everything and plus the technology advancement has been misused on a larger scale.
TODAY PPL ARE NOT CONTENDED..!!
Greatful thoughts with broader sense and perceptions towards pursuing one's passions n desires in life which derived from change of traditional set of mind which being carried out since age. Thinking independently without considering others values n ideas driven towards isolation n restricted image of ones life which needs considerations of others values all togather to make social solidarity.
ReplyDeleteAs rightly said the world suffers a lot not from the violence of bad people but cz of the silence of good pepole .
Society is ever changing n not static with trends n tradition towards moving for growth n sucess everyone should value n respect others as well.
Thanks SR for bringing this awakening thought, hope
this would help us to channelize our ideology towards society for better to well being.
Well let me start by congratulating you for your write up,but friend there are few things which i politely disagree with.
ReplyDeleteI will touch upon it during the course of my write up.
We all are part of this society and this eco system and how hard we try we cannot cut-off from this society,i feel that more than anything one person must have Moral and ethics in life and which is abundant in our society and instead of going for any moral policing one can by himself remove those stereotypes.
If we think good,feel good and understand others feeling then only one is independent.
Parents are pillar for us and if we start understanding their feeling and communicate properly with them and tell our thoughts openly,they will definitely will give heed to our views though they may be hesitant initially.
For that an individual must convince himself before he puts his views on society and more importantly his family.
To understand my views,one should understand crowd syndrome.
We all belong to a huge crowd of family,friends,society....etc etc and daily we have to live in this crowd,generally people are lost in this crowd and behave like a crowd and only those people achieve greater heights in their life who come out of this crowd and to comeout is not very easy my friend.
If you want to achieve something in life and come out of this crowd ,then there are set of code you must adhere to.
They are very simple but difficult to follow.
1.You must love your self and should work at least 13 hours a day for your well being.
2.have respect for time and each person you come across in your journey.
3.Stay true to the nature and be positive.
But the code is not easy to adhere to as the crowd becomes insecure if one among them is leaving them and at every stage it pulls you to its side.
Small example-If you are quitting smoking,then you will adhere to all such things which will divert your attention from smoking,but the crowd won't leave you so easily.
If you try to do new things,again the crowd becomes insecure and pulls you down by spreading negativity as crowd does not want a person to leave them.
The crowd reads all the books of motivation,personality development etc etc.but applies not even a single thing in its life as the crowd is known to be a follower all life and just apes others and on the other hand we too if we want to come out of the crowd then have to cut off from these negative crowd and identify those who spread positivity.
You try to relate this crowd syndrome with all your questions you will get the answer,the crowd can be very small including you and your family,friends or the entire society.
We should always avoid finding fault on something and take only positive things,as positivity help us from coming out of the crowd and negativity takes you closer to the crowd.
All our decisions are based on crowd syndrome whether be it job,thoughts,AIB etc etc,we should stick to the 3 broader principle stated above to stand apart from the crowd,so that now you become the leader and crowd becomes your follower.
Not easy my friend.
Love positivity,discard negativity.....all the stereotypes will go away.
i can write much more but i feel this much is enough for the time being.
Love to all
Hari
Ur very correct in mentioning the syndrome. We tend to think on lines of the crowd we be with..can also be small family set.
ReplyDeleteEven today youngsters find it difficult to share feelings with their parents... Take a example..
A girl wants to go out with a guy friend..doesnt tell her parents..cz theres a fear in her mind..! "parents kya sochenge?" "agar late hua to chilayenge..datenge".. ! And most of our parents will do this cz even they hv lived in this syndrome since ages! Cz our society considers this as a taboo! We cant change them..but atlst we can change our methods..! Go and introduce that guy to ur place first..let ur parents kno that hes worth trusting..then tell them that u two are planning a day out..and let them kno ur plan.! When u both are out..keep ur parents updated..and hooohuu!SEE THE CHANGE! And thats were stereotypes fail..! Wen somebody tells them to change their course..they feel burdened cz they find it hard to let go of this rigid thinking!
Girls make a cry of their rights in frnta govt.but seldom take a wise step or ask fr ther rights in frnta ther parents..! This is the kinda of society we stay in! And heres exactly my write up points..change the stereotyped thinking..!
It is an eye opening article for the parents who are over protective of their children as well as obssessed for their well being to lead a healthy n safe life. Far far away from all the hardships that the parents have faced.
ReplyDeleteIt is an eye opening article for the parents who are over protective of their children as well as obssessed for their well being to lead a healthy n safe life. Far far away from all the hardships that the parents have faced.
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