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Sometimes this heart just won’t listen.
It still beats for, who ain’t yet mine.
But why blame heart,
Loving someone is not a crime!!
I want no mercy even if it is so...
But plz don’t ask me not to luv ya more!!
I am not begging ya to love me...
I’m not really even asking you.
But, isn’t it alright
if I cherish that hope in my heart?
Can’t I dream to hold you?
And consider u as my part..?
They say...
Loving some one ain’t a crime!!
I want no mercy even if it is so...
But plz don’t ask me not to luv you!
I will try to keep my eyes from shining
When they see you...
I will try not to be bemused
When u look at me...
And I promise...
I will try not to be elated
When u talk to me...
But plz, don’t ask me not to luv ya.
Sometimes this heart just won’t listen.
It still beats for, who ain’t yet mine.
But why blame heart,
Loving someone ain’t a crime!!
I want no mercy even if it is so...
But plz don’t ask me not to luv ya more!!
-its SR...
-its SR...
Okay I am guessing you will appreciate honest feedback. You have few decent poems there. But they lack subtlety and poetic imagination. Poems are not just about rhyming words, they need to have strong themes and creativity. I would ask you to read more poems by celebrated authors , they might inspire and enchant u. Lastly opinions are very subjective and you may very well take mine with a pinch of salt. Keep writing !
ReplyDeletedear anon,
Deletei am following rahuls work wen he had put up his first poem. Subtlety is absolutely perfect.. i mean as a beginner hes a charm. Poems rnt jus about rhymin words..but a poem having rhymes also can be a excellent piece of work.
coming to imagination..Have u read all his poems??? if yes..u wudnt have said tat.. ! its his imagination and only his..tat he cums up with such beautiful work. Agreed use of words and framing has to be impoved .. but tat doesnt coin in on imagination..tat is somethn tat u get with xperience. and remember hes not from arts backgrnd.
then comes themes.. as far as i kno he's genre is Romance and tats his theme(atlst til date)..only the anecdote changes..!
as m his friend..i cud bet tat he is damn creative. May be ur too much into literature so u may find his work as no match. but consider it frm beginners point of view.
I realy appreciate you being honest and i will surely weigh ur feedback. :)
ReplyDeleteur correct ..i shud read more poems inked by wellknown poets/authors. i hold myslf back frm doin tat. actuly reading others sometimes influence me to have a word power and imagination like them..but greater influence happens to be on my Self creativity..i mean i then keep pondering on thr themes..which i feel isnt rit as a beginner.
i m sure i will make mistakes..and tats the sole reason i keep askin for feedbacks. i want to kno wod people think bot my Self derived and actual incident(some cases) inspired write ups.
Now tat u pointed out on subtlety and imagination as areas which i shud consider to strengthen..i will look into it fr sure and come up with somethn which i can cal mine. :)
thanks a lot for ur feed back. Keep following and keep commenting.. and salt thing.. it always add taste (if in right quantity.. hehe :) ) so keep adding adequately.